Sexual Body Language

We are all social creatures; that’s what our social science professors taught us; but more than anything else, we are sexual creatures much like all the species that inhabit our planet. We simply adapted this social mechanism to survive longer and be able to carry out our primary purpose which is to secure and pass on our genes to prevent our race, or perhaps our blood line, from becoming extinct. In everything that we do, there is always that preoccupation of “getting laid”.

Because of this sexual nature, through eons past, we have developed a form of communication, either consciously or unconsciously utilized, to express our sexual intentions. We may or may not be conscious of it but we certainly do and notice it when around a potential mate. It is called “body language”. These serve as cues that our species have learned to pick up and understand to be able to tell if that potential mate is willing to return the interest we are vesting them. It is similar to the courtship game in the wild where the male show off their best moves to get their potential sexual partner to mate with them. Humans do it differently. We engage in our courtship ritual through flirting and dating; and it is in these pre-mating rituals that instances of body language can frequently be seen. The male use his body language to win the female’s interest while the female use hers to either accept or decline the intent.

The idea behind this “sexual language” is simple. You won’t be able to notice the sexual cues of a person you’re not interested with; and if ever you do, you’d more likely be repulsed than be attracted. Alternatively, you’ll be able to notice each ones cues immediately and more easily if you view each other as a potential mate. Take note also that, although disliking is imminent if a person you’re not interested with shows “bodily signs of attraction”, there are cases where that particular person becomes more attractive or appealing after exhibiting signs of attraction to you, hence becoming a potential mate.

Now, what are these “body language” or “flirting cues” one should look for to know if a particular person is sexually attracted to you?

EYES

The first and the most important thing to look for are the eyes. Your eyes are probably your most important flirting tool. We tend to think of our eyes mainly as a means of receiving information, but they are also extremely high-powered transmitters of vital social signals. How you look at another person, meet his or her gaze and look away can make all the difference between a successful, enjoyable flirtation and an embarrassing or hurtful encounter.

Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters, we avoid eye contacts of more than one second.

When a person frequently looks at you, it could be two things: it’s either a sign of deep interest or you’re in deep shit. If it is with the opposite sex, it is safe to assume that he/she likes you. From across a crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to hold your target's gaze for more than one second. If your target maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest. If after this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you can safely assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with some confidence.

PROXIMITY

Everyone knows this already. When we like someone, we always tend to move as close to them as possible to get some attention. The same applies to everybody else, except for overly shy and socially impaired people. Even stalkers want to maintain a close distance to their object of desire as much as possible (the only thing is they hesitate to make it known).

The distance you keep from the other person when flirting is important, because it will affect his or her impression of you, and the quality of your interaction. Perhaps even more importantly, paying attention to the other person's use of distance will tell you a great deal about his/her reactions and feelings towards you.

MIRRORING

Nothing will bond two love birds more effectively than mirroring each other’s behavior. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something intimate, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow it.

The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are. Experiments have shown that although people are not consciously aware of someone deliberately 'mirroring' their postures and movements, they will evaluate a person who does this more favorably. If you 'echo' your partner's postures, he/she will not only feel more at ease in your company, but will perceive you as more like-minded.

POSTURE

Most of the time, besides words and facial expression (which can be suppressed and/or faked), our posture can express our mood and feelings. This is known as 'non-verbal leakage': while we're busy controlling our words and faces, our real feelings 'leak out' in our posture. These non-verbal leakages can give you positive or negative signs about the particular person you’re flirting with. If only his/her head is turned towards you, with the rest of the body oriented in another direction, this is a sign that you do not have your partner's full attention. Even just the feet starting to turn and 'point' away from you can be a sign that his/her attention is directed elsewhere, or that he/she is thinking about moving away. Leaning backwards and supporting the head on one hand are signs of boredom. 'Closed' postures with arms folded and legs tightly crossed indicate disagreement or dislike.

Positive signs to watch out for would be a partner's body oriented towards you, particularly if he/she is also leaning forward, and an 'open' posture. These are signs of attentiveness and interest or liking. Experiments have also shown that females are more likely to tilt their heads to one side when they are interested in the person they are talking to. Men should beware, however, of automatically assuming that these signs indicate sexual interest since it can only mean friendliness.

There are also specific male and female posture signals that should be watched out for, since they are often seen in flirtatious encounters. These tend to be postures which enhance the masculine or dominant appearance of the male, and the femininity of the female. Males may adopt postures which make them appear taller, larger and more impressive, such as placing hands in pockets with elbows out to enlarge the chest, legs are spread out when either standing or sitting, or leaning one hand at above shoulder height on a wall to appear taller and more imposing. Females either adopt postures which make them look smaller, such as drawing the knees towards the body when seated, or postures which draw attention to physical attributes attractive to males, such as arching the back to display the breasts, or crossing and re-crossing the legs to draw attention to them.

EYEBROW FLASH

When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed? It's not surprising since the whole thing lasts only about a fifth of a second!

We're not consciously aware of doing it, but it's a gesture that is duplicated by every culture on Earth. In fact, some experts claim that it is the most instantly recognized non-verbal sign of greeting used by humans.

BLINKING AND DILATED PUPILS

If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in your favor, try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to, by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you, they'll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in turn, makes you both feel more attracted to each other!

GESTURES

Frequent nodding shows interest and positive attitude towards the one speaking. When someone always nods at you when you are speaking, usually a single nod, it means that he/she is interested in you and that he/she wants you to continue the conversation. Additionally, someone who is interested in you will be more lively and animated in conversation, using more gestures when speaking in order to keep your attention, and more responsive gestures to show interest when you are speaking.

TOUCH

Touching is a powerful, subtle and complex form of communication. In social situations, the language of touch can be used to convey a surprising variety of messages. Different touches can be used to express agreement, affection, affiliation or attraction; to offer support; to emphasize a point; to call for attention or participation; to guide and direct; to greet; to congratulate; to establish or reinforce power-relations and to negotiate levels of intimacy.

Even the most fleeting touch can have a dramatic influence on our perceptions and relationships. Experiments have shown that even a light, brief touch on the arm during a brief social encounter between strangers has both immediate and lasting positive effects. Polite requests for help or directions, for example, produced much more positive results when accompanied by a light touch on the arm.

When someone frequently tries to hold or touch you, well it could mean things. First, they are comfortable with you. Second, they are really attracted to you therefore they want to at least make you feel that you’re close and special to them. Or, the third, they are just being friendly. But most importantly, a light, warm, and affectionate touch from someone you like could mean that he/she likes you also.

VOCAL SIGNALS

Attraction and interest are communicated much more by the tone of voice than by what is actually said. Depending on the tone, volume, speed and pitch, even a simple phrase such as "Good evening" can convey anything from "Wow, you're gorgeous" to "I find you totally uninteresting and I'm looking for an excuse to get away from you as quickly as possible".

A deep-toned, low pitched, slow, drawn-out "Good evening", with a slight rising intonation at the end, as though asking a question, this is probably an indication of attraction or at least interest. A short, high-pitched, clipped "Good evening", or a monotone, expressionless version, on the other hand could probably mean disinterest.


Tagged as: love, body language, sex

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