Snail Love

snail from wikipedia

It’s fascinating to know that snails do make love and, yes, they are all hermaphrodites, meaning a male and a female at the same time. As Wikipedia puts it; “All land snails are hermaphrodites, producing both spermatozoa and ova. Others, such as Apple Snails, are either male or female. Prolific breeders, snails inseminate each other in pairs to internally fertilize their ova.” So when they make love it’s either one of them or both get to lay their eggs. Some of you might think that since they are hermaphrodites, perhaps, they can inseminate themselves. The answer is no. They cannot self-fertilize. Snails make love for about two to six hours. They exchange sperms with one another (It reminds me of man-to-man DVDs my friend was telling me before.) and involves plenty of rubbing, biting and "eye-stalk" waving (perhaps a way to stimulate one another further… still can’t shake-off the man-to-man DVDs in my head.) They use the sperms they’ve collected to fertilize their own eggs. I’m thinking that maybe if gays were like snails, you know hermaphrodite and all, they’ll be happier since they can actually have an offspring from their own flesh and blood when they hit each other. (Yes, it’s the effect of those man-to-man DVDs again.)

Another fascinating fact about snails is that some of their species actually darts their semen towards another snail to better ensure their chance of siring the next generation of snails against the other hermaphrodite snails (You selfish hermaphrodite, you). The received sperm from the “darting” snail is moved into the storage area of the female reproductive system where it will be used to fertilize the eggs. Now, you’re talking. It’s also fascinating if it’s possible for males of our species to just conveniently dart our sperm cells to females and then they’ll get impregnated and, wallah, we have a child. Well, it’s nice at one point but I can see a lot of disadvantages for us from this practice. First and foremost, we won’t be able to enjoy the most sought after pleasure of baby-making. There won’t be a need for several positions to make it toooo exciting and worth remembering. Another point is that when you carelessly and aimlessly dart your semen to just anywhere and anybody else, a girl could cry “rape” and you’ll get jailed and broke for that. Or, you could impregnate an elderly 100 year old senior citizen. It’s an accident, imagine her bearing a young in her womb because of your irresponsibility. And another important issue is “whose child is it”? Imagine a world where it’s raining semen as men untiringly dart their sperms into the air in a bid to luckily hit a woman to ensure the survival of his genes. When your wife shows you her bloated womb, the number one question will always be; “are you sure it’s mine”?

For more information about the darting snails see national geographic. And before I forget, I got this idea about snails from this blog post.

Tagged as: love, snails

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