ways to keep the love alive
Labels:
tips
Posted by
nepspeed82
Your partner can’t take it anymore. Your separation is inevitable. You can’t think of any reason to stop the time or make a good reason for her to stay. You don’t want her to walk out of the door. What do you do? Here are instant solutions to your dilemma that works like magic once done and the corresponding time frame before and after its effect.
((Legend:
***Caution = Warning; Effectiveness = the success ratio of the method, the first number represents the success percentage while the second one represents the failure percentage; Lag Time = the time it takes before the method takes effect; Duration = the time it takes before the effect of the method expires.***
))
- Hold a knife and threaten to kill her. (Lag time: 1-5 mins | Duration: 1-24 hrs. depending on your conscience)
- Hold a metal rod and threaten to kill her. (Effectiveness: 75/25 | Lag time: 1-5 mins | Duration: 2-24 hrs. (depending on your grip, strength, and conscience))
- Just threaten to kill her. (Effectiveness: 10/90 | Lagtime: (needs constant reminding of your intention) 3-24 hrs. | Duration: (depending on your convincing power) maximum of 1 day)
- Threaten to kill yourself. (Effectiveness: 50/50 | Lag time: 1-24 hrs. | Duration: 1 week to 1 month)
- Threaten to kill her whole household members. (Effectiveness: 75/25 | Lag Time: 1-24 hrs. | Duration: 1 to 6 months)
- Threaten to expose the dirty sex videos the two of you have been doing by posting it in the internet. (Effectiveness: 75/25 | Lag Time: 1-2 weeks | Duration: 1 to 4 months)
- Start doing favors for her showing your willingness to change for her (Caution: not recommended to irreconcilable differences and acute inflammation of the ties between the two of you | Effectiveness: 35/65 | Lag Time: 1-2 weeks | Duration: Until you do another stupid thing again.)
- Do stupid things to your self while making sure she gets informed with the updates of your stupidity. (Caution: Needs to be done 1 week before separation. Also applicable after the separation. | Effectiveness: 50/50 | Lag Time: 1 week minimum | Duration: depending on her sympathy for you.)
- Look helpless and pathetic the moment she leaves you. (Effectiveness: 2/98 | Lag Time: 1-2 weeks | Duration: (depending on her sympathy for you) maximum of 1 month)
- Acquire an incurable deadly disease. (Caution: May or may not yield any considerable results | Effectiveness: 1/99 | Lag Time: 1 month | Duration: the length of your remaining days here on earth.)
- Appeal for sympathy from her and your friends to make them convince her into giving you one more chance. (Caution: If you don’t have friends and her friends hate you, don’t even bother. Effectiveness: 50/50 | Lag Time: 1-3 weeks | Duration: the moment you make another mistake or, depending on the influence of significant people on her decisions, maybe a maximum of 2 weeks or you’ll have to accept that she really doesn’t care anymore.)
- Harassment via stalking. (Effectiveness: 1/99 (It’ll be more likely that she’ll hate you for it but you’re always free to try.) | Lag Time: improbable (can last a lifetime? More like impossible…) | Duration: A year, a day, a month, a week? Who cares?
- Keep her favorite pet near you while holding your curled fist against it. (Caution: Beware of large pets such as tigers and lions | Effectiveness: 40/60 | Lag Time: instantly-1 week | Duration: Just make sure the pet stays close to you every time as much as possible.)
- Pray to God, to all the spirits of the earth, to all the angels and saints in heaven, and include your ancestors for help. (Effectiveness: It depends on how hard and how often you pray, if the prayer line is available or busy at that particular moment, and if you’re not crossed out from God’s “To answer the prayers” list. | Lag Time: Highly Improbable | Duration: from 1hr to a lifetime (1hr= she just stayed a while or returned because she forgot something, lifetime= your prayers are answered. It’s a miracle.))
These are just some of the solutions I’m aware of or what I can think of while writing this piece of crappy list. You’re always free to try. When you do, just e-mail me or comment in this blog about the outcome of your attempt. Chow.
1 Comment:
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